Top 5 Books I DIDN'T Read This Year

ABSURDISTAN
By GARY SHTEYNGART

What they say: Shteyngart's scruffy, exuberant second novel, equal parts Gogol and Borat, is immodest on every level -It also happens to be smart, funny and, in the end, extraordinarily rich and moving. "Absurdistan" introduces Misha Vainberg, the rap-music-obsessed, grossly overweight son of the 1,238th richest man in Russia. After attending college in the United States, he is now stuck in St. Petersburg, scrambling for an American visa that may never arrive.

What I say: Absurdistan is not located between Pakistan and Afghanistan, regardless of what the liberal media thinks, or for that matter what the clerk at Shakespeare and Company thinks when he pointed me to the Geography section.

FUN HOME
By ALISON BECHDEL

What they say: The unlikeliest literary success of 2006 is a stunning memoir about a girl growing up in a small town with her cryptic, perfectionist dad and slowly realizing that a) she is gay and b) he is too. Oh, and it's a comic book: Bechdel's breathtakingly smart commentary duets with eloquent line drawings. Forget genre and sexual orientation: this is a masterpiece about two people who live in the same house but different worlds, and their mysterious debts to each other.

What I say: When the hell was the last time I went to comic book store? I mean, aren't comics the lowest form of literature? Aren't they an indignity to the written word? I mean, please…

THE ROAD
By CORMAC MCCARTHY

What they say: A sad man and his young son trudge across the burnt landscape of a world that has committed suicide in some catastrophe. This could be Mad Max, or it could be Samuel Beckett; it's certainly as thrilling as the one and as emotionally costly as the other.

What I say: Didn't need to read it. Try taking the 2 train and switching at Times Square at 8:45 AM. Then you'll know what trudging across the burnt landscape of a world that has committed suicide is.

BLACK SWAN GREEN
By DAVID MITCHELL,

What they say: Mitchell's last novel, Cloud Atlas, skipped from the 19th century to the far future. This time he contents himself with one year--1982--in the life of one boy--dreamy, stammering Jason Taylor--in one English town. But everything's still there: this funny, close-focus coming-of-age story is also a huge, swirling novel of power, death and love.

What I say: Sure it's probably brilliant, I mean Cloud Atlas remains one of the best reads I ever had. But a coming of age story involving a dreamy protagonist overcoming the heartache of love and death? What idiot would attempt to write drivel like that? ;)

WHAT IS THE WHAT
By DAVE EGGERS

What they say: When Valentino was young, soldiers burned his village in Sudan. Parentless, he walked hundreds of miles in search of safety. When he came to America as a young man, his problems started again. Don't read this novel--which is closely based on his life--for any reason other than it's a great document of hope, despair and the will to keep walking.

What I say: I can think of no other person more well suited to write about the despair of a Sudanese villager than a sarcastic, self-aware, and snarky Brooklynite. And that's from an Eggers fan…

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The Real Books Worth Reading: The New York Times Best Books of 2006